...crossroads

…CROSSROADS

..my whole life flashed back on me in an instant..
..my BFF came to me when I needed her most..
This, without asking..without her knowing anything..
She just popped out of nowhere and put my senses back again..

It’s amazing how God works..
If you’re not aware, you won’t be noticing it..
..Good thing is I opened my eyes..
And from there I saw the wonderful world that still awaits me..

.. I am so thankful for everything that happened in my life..
In all honesty, I realized.. I always am..
Despite of the hurdles and all the pain..

I have lived a life full of struggles..
But I never let any of these get in my way..
I always looked at the brighter side..
Chose to just leave all the troubles behind..
I always believed then that problems never ceases to materialize..
And it would be best just to leave it at that..
Until my recent dejection..

‘guess there will always come a point in time
When you’ll be in total breakdown and collision..
But if you don’t find a way of getting out of the dumps..
You’ll be set to plunge deeper and deeper
That you will be setting yourself, never to see the sun again..

..but what made me back to realization in an instant?
The LOVE that is around me all along..

I blinded myself into focusing on just one drawback..
And forgot who and what I am all along..

..i am a woman who’s so strong, determined and untainted..
I can always do what I want to do when I do put my heart on it..
I just realized it now..

I do things because I love to and I want to..
And because I am happy the way I am..
..With what I have..
Nothing more, nothing less..

I was into this feeling all along
When all of a sudden I shifted my focus..
This is when it got me into deep turmoil..
And I believe this is what happens to most of us..
When we unintentionally converge ourselves on a setback..
And dwell on it continually..

Looking for answers to our questions is always endless..
Because we don’t really know what answers do we really want..
We continuously expect..
But no specifications on what that is..

But I grasped on an idea that this is just so simple..
If we want an answer and don’t know what we want,
‘toss a coin’
It works because it just don’t settle the question for you..
Rather, as the coin begins to spin
You’ll begin to realize what you’re hoping for..

..aaah.. I guess I am getting back into my senses now..
There’s so much in life that I have to be thankful for..
..i have raised a wonderful family..
..i have four wonderful kids
..i have been living with the man I love, my air ..
..i have a wonderful mom who’s still there for us..
..i have my dear brothers always there for me..
..i have my in-laws who treasure me..
..i have so many overwhelming talents to share..
..i have so many friends who care..
And most especially,
..i thank God for all the love in the world from all these people..

YOU, my dear friends, who have tapped me
In your own precious way,
Without you knowing it..

Now I am in a new realm
And will be working hard for the new pace of my life
Guided by my innermost passion,
I know, I’ll be getting into all my dreams in no time..

I just wish that somehow, somewhere,
I have shared with you all the feelings I am into right now..
And that through this prose,
I have imparted with you the knack of life..

This is my crossroads..

And I am now bound to take off..

All my best wishes to everyone..
- QUEL

...melancholy

..i feel so totally miserable,
..disoriented,
..worthless,
..pathetic,
..unwanted,
..unappreciated..

how does one get by with these feelings?
..i want to get numb from all the emotions..
..want to get away from it all..

but how?

i wish i am like others who don't care..
i wish i am a boulder..
i wish i am emotionless..
i wish i am frozen..
i wish i am anesthetized..
i wish.. i wish.. i wish..

but nothing materializes..
still, i'm in this pain..
too much pain so hard to bear..
where no more cure awaits..

..i'm so tired..
and i just simply want to get off of it all..
probably this is what i am all along..
a big loser.. a big failure

..i don't know how to hold on with these feelings anymore..
i just hope i still can..

Puzzler..

Puzzler..

Different tales for different people
Each one holds each justification for living..
No boundaries no rules..
Everyone thinks what they are up to is right..
Everyone feels that they are on the proper and moral justification
And that he deserves what is due him..

Yes, there are always two sides of the coin..
They could be made the same..
Still,
One side faces opposite the other..
consequently,
each side bears its own face..

Everyday living taught me distinct facets of life..
Moreso in meeting different people..
Hearing their stories..
And analyzing each one of them..

All have their own stories to tell..
And ironically, all seem to trust me
With their own personal story
When nobody dares to ask mine..
When I can’t share my own tale
on the other hand..

All these makes me
A shock absorber..
A story keeper
A deep dark secret holder..
I don’t know why..
But people tell me their stories
Even if I don’t elicit from them..

I guess I was so destined
To study and analyze each one’s perception
Thereby, learning to study from it..
I don’t normally give advice..
I always ask what they want
And from there
It leads them to their personal choice..

These leave me with an enigma..
Who is right?
Who is wrong?
Why do people seem to do things
When they know deep inside that it’s erroneous?
Why? Because they totally feel that
THEY ARE on what is RIGHT and JUST..
Now who’s gonna judge this?

This is a quandary..
Life has its own direction for all people
Everyone feels they should get
the happiness and satisfaction they so deserve
because they’ve given all for it..
Yes, each one of us..

So where does this take me?
Nowhere..
I could be right,
I could be wrong..
I don’t really know
And if possible,
I don’t want to care
for fate has its own way of playing with me..
with my life..