...melancholy

..i feel so totally miserable,
..disoriented,
..worthless,
..pathetic,
..unwanted,
..unappreciated..

how does one get by with these feelings?
..i want to get numb from all the emotions..
..want to get away from it all..

but how?

i wish i am like others who don't care..
i wish i am a boulder..
i wish i am emotionless..
i wish i am frozen..
i wish i am anesthetized..
i wish.. i wish.. i wish..

but nothing materializes..
still, i'm in this pain..
too much pain so hard to bear..
where no more cure awaits..

..i'm so tired..
and i just simply want to get off of it all..
probably this is what i am all along..
a big loser.. a big failure

..i don't know how to hold on with these feelings anymore..
i just hope i still can..